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Thinking on Yesterday.
Feb. 22nd, 2007 05:20 pmI've had things floating around in my head now for awhile and I can't seem to get them to go anywhere...so here they are. I've been thinking of my old life, the life I've had up here and the life I will have when I end up back in Louisiana. There is so much of my old life that I don't want to re-visit. I certainly don't plan to, but I know that (inevitably) it's going to run me over. I just hope I'm able to handle it better than I did before. I don't really want to go back thinking that I'm going to have to face demons, but when you run away from home and leave those demons behind, it's a pretty safe bet that the ones that didn't follow you are going to be there waiting for you when you get back.
The life I have up here has been uneventful and that's been largely my own fault. In my more clear moments, I am totally aware of that. Now...what to do about it. I am going to clear up as much of the crap I've managed to get myself into up here as I can and move back with a clear head and with thoughts of starting over (in some fashion).
The things I am most looking forward to, in being home, are being near my family and friends. I never thought I didn't appreciate them, but apparently I was wrong. Or the old adage rears it's ugly head...absence makes the heart...etc.
I am also looking forward to moving myself back in the lifestyle that I had previously put so much energy into. Unfortunately, I also know that I'm walking back into the middle of ongoing drama and I'm going to try, desperately not to get involved in it. This proves to be relatively difficult when you are friends with so many on every side. At least I think I'm friends with them. I have friends who see how some things can be improved but because of drama/rumors and past garbage it's hard for anyone to see that what they have to say has real merit. Then again, people tend to be a bit impatient (*grins*). I have seen people I know completely disregard another one that they were once friends with just because they can't agree to disagree with each other over an opinion. Why?
I am very guilty of doing the same thing, and on many occasions. But at least I can recognize that I'm wrong and try to rectify my behavior..even if it's as simple as letting the matter go as water under the bridge.
It's hard to sit back and watch the people you care about do things or say things to one another without wanting to step in and get involved. I've managed to stay out of all of that and (other than this post-o-rantings) I will try an continue to do so. I think I would like to see my friends just open up communication with each other a little bit. If you aren't going to do something at the suggestion of another, at least tell them you're not. If you are going to stop talking to someone and avoiding all contact with them, let them know that way you don't have to worry about dealing with the inevitable ackwardness that follows.
Anyone that knows me, I hope, knows me well enough to be able to tell me the truth about myself when they've formed an opinion. Please do. I may be hurt for a minute, but I could never hold a grudge against someone who I don't think was being mean-spirited in trying to tell me the truth. There's a very good possibility that I don't know it. I'm self-aware on many points, but not enlightened. I need help.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking anyone who reads this to come back and start openly and brutally verbally assaulting me like a brand new sport. They'd better at least wait to do that until I'm tied up and can't get to them...hehehe... I just want everyone I know to know that they can feel free to express their opinions about me to me at anytime without fear of some kind of retribution or of me holding a grudge.
Anyway...I should leave work before people ask more inane questions about stuff I'm not particularly concerned about tonight. Besides, I haven't been writing much and I'm afraid that not much of this is making sense.
The life I have up here has been uneventful and that's been largely my own fault. In my more clear moments, I am totally aware of that. Now...what to do about it. I am going to clear up as much of the crap I've managed to get myself into up here as I can and move back with a clear head and with thoughts of starting over (in some fashion).
The things I am most looking forward to, in being home, are being near my family and friends. I never thought I didn't appreciate them, but apparently I was wrong. Or the old adage rears it's ugly head...absence makes the heart...etc.
I am also looking forward to moving myself back in the lifestyle that I had previously put so much energy into. Unfortunately, I also know that I'm walking back into the middle of ongoing drama and I'm going to try, desperately not to get involved in it. This proves to be relatively difficult when you are friends with so many on every side. At least I think I'm friends with them. I have friends who see how some things can be improved but because of drama/rumors and past garbage it's hard for anyone to see that what they have to say has real merit. Then again, people tend to be a bit impatient (*grins*). I have seen people I know completely disregard another one that they were once friends with just because they can't agree to disagree with each other over an opinion. Why?
I am very guilty of doing the same thing, and on many occasions. But at least I can recognize that I'm wrong and try to rectify my behavior..even if it's as simple as letting the matter go as water under the bridge.
It's hard to sit back and watch the people you care about do things or say things to one another without wanting to step in and get involved. I've managed to stay out of all of that and (other than this post-o-rantings) I will try an continue to do so. I think I would like to see my friends just open up communication with each other a little bit. If you aren't going to do something at the suggestion of another, at least tell them you're not. If you are going to stop talking to someone and avoiding all contact with them, let them know that way you don't have to worry about dealing with the inevitable ackwardness that follows.
Anyone that knows me, I hope, knows me well enough to be able to tell me the truth about myself when they've formed an opinion. Please do. I may be hurt for a minute, but I could never hold a grudge against someone who I don't think was being mean-spirited in trying to tell me the truth. There's a very good possibility that I don't know it. I'm self-aware on many points, but not enlightened. I need help.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking anyone who reads this to come back and start openly and brutally verbally assaulting me like a brand new sport. They'd better at least wait to do that until I'm tied up and can't get to them...hehehe... I just want everyone I know to know that they can feel free to express their opinions about me to me at anytime without fear of some kind of retribution or of me holding a grudge.
Anyway...I should leave work before people ask more inane questions about stuff I'm not particularly concerned about tonight. Besides, I haven't been writing much and I'm afraid that not much of this is making sense.
