On being fat

[autumnluv143]

No, I can't help it. It's what I do when I'm given spare time. And since I can't bring myself to update this thing with any clarity, I'm determined to use it anyway. Especially since I pay for the service.

A few people know that I had started to write a book awhile back. It was strictly for my own purposes. I wanted to educate anyone willing to read it on what it was like for me (and countless other fat girls) growing up. I also wanted to make those girls laugh a bit. I write just like  I speak sometimes. Well, because I've allowed my life to take over the running of things, I've not touched in in quite awhile. So I thought I would post some of what I've written here, from time to time, just so it can be seen.

Apparently, my own self-image is not something I can step away from lightly. There are those of my friends who try hard to will me away from thinking badly about myself and I love them, but I'm starting to believe certain aspects of it are built in. They are also not hindered in any part by the fact that most of my self-image issues are reality based. I'm not 180lbs calling myself fat. I'm a big girl. I have issues that I'm unwilling to talk about most of the time and this is one of those more clear moments where I just don't care to be secretive. So here are some of my words, the introduction first, and then over the next few weeks, I'll post a bit more. Who knows. Maybe one day, I will expand on the crazy ranting I had done and it will make a bit more sense. I never quite got that far.

The Autobiography of An Anonymous Fat Girl

All the cards were stacked against me anyway. Heredity, they say, is only part of the problem with weight. That may be, but conditioning through heredity is a huge part of the problem for most of the outcast overweight. There are medical conditions that keep us the way we are or help put us there to begin with. And yet for most, these problems turn into laziness no matter how much we try and defend ourselves to others. Hey, if you were carrying around 300 pounds of weight on two feet that had seen better days, would YOU want to get out and run around the block? Not to mention, when you weigh that much (no matter what you actually look like), you sweat in places you don't know you have. I won't go into detail with that, suffice it to say, sweating becomes in increasingly less attractive thought with the more weight you put on.

One, two, buckle my shoe
 

 

We are shunned everywhere we go and for everything. It's one thing to not be allowed on certain things because you are too large to fit them, such as amusement part rides. If the seat can't fit around you, you don't need to be there. However it is an entirely different story to be passed over for jobs, treated with disdain at restaurants or to be ridiculed by your peers and the members of the opposite sex because you (might) have a glad or hormone problem.

<stretch...reach>
<pant pant>
 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that we are not disgusting. What I'm trying to say is that it is no one else's business whether or not we are disgusting. I have the distinct pleasure of seeing myself naked every morning and am fully aware of just how grotesque my body becomes with each passing day. I certainly don't need to be reminded when all I want to do is hang out with some friends at a restaurant or shop for lingerie (God forbid someone should think we're sexy, right?).
 

Can someone come buckle this for me?
 

The following are going to include some witty, deep and perverse thoughts on weight, factors of weight and the people that both surround weight and that weight surrounds. It will also include some of the darkest memories from my background. Now get comfy, get a fat-full cappuccino from Starbuck's, sit down with a bag of M&M's and enjoy the gluttony of the mind of an anonymous (ok, no so anonymous) fat girl.

Bah, I'll leave it unbuckled...or better yet! Slip-ons!!

Comments

[fake-accent.livejournal.com]

I'm fat. Doesn't mean I'm desperate or don't love myself. I like food. I get stressed, and eat. I don't think of myself as disgusting just because I have extra skin. I think being overweight is a massive prejudice that needs to be looked at. I don't think fat jokes should be funny. I mean if gay or racial jokes aren't allowed, why do fat people, now, take the brunt? Maybe it's all made me bitter, but the world can go fuck themselves. I'm not a 10. I'm a 20, bitches, and my man loves me no matter what size I am.

I'll stop with the mini rant now. lol You have beautiful features, and a beautiful figure! Love yourself. Cause I love you, too! :D

[autumnluv.livejournal.com]

And I love you and I miss you. Thank you for the love and the understanding. I'd play with your dimples and your boobs anytime.

[biteyzombie.livejournal.com]

Can I have the pleasure of seeing you naked too?

*hopeful smile*

'Cause I think you're preeeeeeetty ;)

[autumnluv.livejournal.com]

I don't think anyone should ever refer to it as the "pleasure" of seeing me naked unless used in a strictly sarcastic sense. But I'm funny that way. I think you're pretty, even in your LJ pic with all the blood n stuff. And you're superfun to cuddle!

I may be in BR for the seminar next weekend. Any chance I might see you there? *hopeful smile right back at you*

[biteyzombie.livejournal.com]

Definitely! I'll (most likely) be the demo bottom for the shibari portion :P

[demasque.livejournal.com]

Fat people, of which I'm one, is the next social leper group to be persecuted. I also smoke so I'm certainly persona non grata, which as you know I find pleasing!

It's all high school mentality type shit. Separate the different, ostracize them from the herd until they get their minds right...then if they're properly contrite maaaybe we'll let them back in.

Decided long ago that every one of those jackholes can just go fuck themselves.