(no subject)

[autumnluv143]

I was given information about someone I know in this lifestyle. He is the one who gave me the information and I must respect him for doing so. He has child molestation charges on his record. He says he spent his time for inappropriately touching a preteen child at the age of 25. He has gone through therapy and honestly believes himself to be a different man than he was than. I would like to believe him, but I can see where some doubt would come into this.

That is not something I'd like commented on..I have my opinions of it and I have my reasons for staying friends with him.

It caused me to wonder what kinds of situations can cause a person to change dramatically. A birth, a death...finding the slums? I have wallowed in the depths of a society I would like to forget. I find myself cringing when Im around certain types of people because of the way I chose to live my life at one point. I know that I have changed until I see someone from the "old neighborhood". It makes me wonder if I have changed in their eyes, or anyone else's for that matter. What decided that I had changed from the person I was into the person I am now? What brings out a dramatic change in habits and personality traits in anyone?

People are not as fragile as we believe ourselves to be. Adaptation is something we've been doing for over 2000 years. So many want to be babied and held and loved to the point that they feel they need it. I don't think I need it. Yes, it feels nice...for a time. I am not sure I could handle that kind of attention 24/7. People need to realize that they are capable of withstanding a lot more than they are capable of admitting.

My problem with this lifestyle, and I've told newbies this on more than one occasion is the fine line we live on. One has to be very confident about aspects of their life to even try and get involved in this and even then, sometimes that is just not enough. There is a fine line between what is done in the lifestyle and abuse (both physically and mentally). I have found myself examining what kinds of changes I have gone through just since I got involved in the scene a few years ago. At times, I think they are vast and other times I don't find nearly as many changes as I would like.

I am still a work in progress and I always will be. Right now I feel as though renovations have been stalled. That's an icky feeling and I really need to get past it.

Comments

[sttatus-quo.livejournal.com]

My problem with this lifestyle, and I've told newbies this on more than one occasion is the fine line we live on. One has to be very confident about aspects of their life to even try and get involved in this and even then, sometimes that is just not enough. There is a fine line between what is done in the lifestyle and abuse (both physically and mentally). I have found myself examining what kinds of changes I have gone through just since I got involved in the scene a few years ago. At times, I think they are vast and other times I don't find nearly as many changes as I would like.

Confidence is part of it, certainly. I think that there also needs to be a certain sense of honesty with one's self about just what your needs are-- and where getting those needs met lies. Some people are happy with masturbation, some with a "friends with benefits" arrangement, and some require the environment of a committed relationship to have sexual needs met, just as an example. We may move between all of these things at some point in our lives or even in and out of them during various periods of our lives. The same goes for human relationships. Our lives move in cycles whether we realize it or not.. I think that could account for the change in viewpoint. Even something as innocuous as the hormonal fluctuations in our body can cause changes in our sensitivity to stimulus. Work week cycles can mimic the same pattern. If you can document changes in your attitude or behavior and you like those... you've made progress. The trick is staying consistent.

I am still a work in progress and I always will be. Right now I feel as though renovations have been stalled. That's an icky feeling and I really need to get past it.

We're all works in progress. I am not the same today as I was yesterday and I will be different in some way tomorrow. Sometimes you do have to pause to catch your breath before you move on... or even look around and decide on a new direction. The trick is not to linger there and stagnate. People in the leather lifestyle are thrill seekers by nature and we're honest about it for the most part, seeking newer and better experiences. We just have to avoid (quoting bondagene here) "non-repeatable death scenes".

[autumnluv.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that. To avoid becoming any more stagnant that I've already allowed it, I am hoping for a proper attitude adjustment this weekend. The person I'm playing with has a rough idea of where I am right now. I know I need something. There is so much going on with me that I didn't realize how much it was affecting me until I was asked 80 times this week what was the matter with me.

Thanks for the response...it means alot.