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autumnluv143Ok, so apparently there are rules that govern what the exact definition of what a "real" submissive is. Oh?
Someone who's mind I respect immensely was recently told by someone in a local community that she is a submissive and did not show the proper respect in the community while stating her opinion on a certain matter. Hrmm.... I have issues with that. Big ones. I cannot possibly count the number of times that I've been told that I wasn't a submissive because I have a mind of my own and I'm not afraid to use it. Well..after said persons were put into their proper place by this non-submissive offensive person, I went back to my normal life.
These are self-proclaimed Dominants. These are not people I feel have earned any form of respect from me and therefore don't deserve to be called "Mr" anything. Fuck you and the overly self confident horse you rode in on. There are people I respect immensely and still don't refer to as Sir or Ma'am unless in a scene or in the proper situation. That's just not me. Thank God I'm also confident enough to realize that while I'm loud, abrasive and (yes, I'll admit it) obnoxious I am still every bit the submissive that I claim to be. Just because you are willing to see it does NOT mean that it's not there. I put alot of energy into serving when I serve and pleasing when I please and if I did that for everyone that thought they deserved it I would be dead way before my time. When I am serving/pleasing/submitting, I've even been told that I have slave-like tendencies. I'm ok with that because I think for the right man, I would be. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say that right now, I want to be for a certain man.
Being a slave even does not mean that you must be for everyone. The respect shown in that situation comes into play when the dynamic is set between Master and slave. I am happy with who I am. I love my mind and I love using it. I enjoy the fact that my friend like to listen to me rant about morons. I use it for entertainment value. Granted this means that we should never be rid of morons entirely, because it would knock down my entertainment status. They should probably stop breeding, but that topic is for another day.
In my smart-assed, "non submissive" opinion, I think that no matter what you claim you are, if you don't have respect for a person as a human first and foremost...you don't deserve respect as anything else. It is not required, as a submissive that you show respect to everyone that wears their little Dom hat or capitalizes their nickname in a chatroom. Be yourself. If you're not that, then your relationship will never be worth half of what it takes to make it work. Truth in yourself and in your relationships with others should always be the goal. As far as what it takes to be a "real" submissive. That only takes the knowledge within yourself that you ARE. If you know you are, then damnit...you are. And if someone else sees what you see in yourself and uses it to both your and their advantage, than congratulations, you've just graduated to a mature, adult relationship (with or without the kink).
Someone who's mind I respect immensely was recently told by someone in a local community that she is a submissive and did not show the proper respect in the community while stating her opinion on a certain matter. Hrmm.... I have issues with that. Big ones. I cannot possibly count the number of times that I've been told that I wasn't a submissive because
These are self-proclaimed Dominants. These are not people I feel have earned any form of respect from me and therefore don't deserve to be called "Mr" anything. Fuck you and the overly self confident horse you rode in on. There are people I respect immensely and still don't refer to as Sir or Ma'am unless in a scene or in the proper situation. That's just not me. Thank God I'm also confident enough to realize that while I'm loud, abrasive and (yes, I'll admit it) obnoxious I am still every bit the submissive that I claim to be. Just because you are willing to see it does NOT mean that it's not there. I put alot of energy into serving when I serve and pleasing when I please and if I did that for everyone that thought they deserved it I would be dead way before my time. When I am serving/pleasing/submitting, I've even been told that I have slave-like tendencies. I'm ok with that because I think for the right man, I would be. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say that right now, I want to be for a certain man.
Being a slave even does not mean that you must be for everyone. The respect shown in that situation comes into play when the dynamic is set between Master and slave. I am happy with who I am. I love my mind and I love using it. I enjoy the fact that my friend like to listen to me rant about morons. I use it for entertainment value. Granted this means that we should never be rid of morons entirely, because it would knock down my entertainment status. They should probably stop breeding, but that topic is for another day.
In my smart-assed, "non submissive" opinion, I think that no matter what you claim you are, if you don't have respect for a person as a human first and foremost...you don't deserve respect as anything else. It is not required, as a submissive that you show respect to everyone that wears their little Dom hat or capitalizes their nickname in a chatroom. Be yourself. If you're not that, then your relationship will never be worth half of what it takes to make it work. Truth in yourself and in your relationships with others should always be the goal. As far as what it takes to be a "real" submissive. That only takes the knowledge within yourself that you ARE. If you know you are, then damnit...you are. And if someone else sees what you see in yourself and uses it to both your and their advantage, than congratulations, you've just graduated to a mature, adult relationship (with or without the kink).
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no subject
Date: 2005-07-22 11:54 pm (UTC)I think the problem is when you start inflicting your protocols on unsuspecting folk or insisting that you get treated in a particular way. Some of the leathermen and women I respect most are "just folks".
Maybe I just don't get it. Nobody ever tells me that I'm not "real" enough or "true" enough although I feel very certain that a lot of the way I conduct myself flies in the face of a lot of contemporary acceptable behavior. It's a dialogue that I'd like to find myself in one day though, having someone explain to me why I'm not a "true" dominant. :)
no subject
Date: 2005-07-23 01:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-23 01:58 pm (UTC)There is at least one person in the Baton Rouge community who makes a big deal about being submissive, but when this person has an opinion, this person commonly yells, interrupts, and generally, babbles on about their high level of submissiveness and absolute rightness, then *blinks* sits down and says, "Respectfully," when the tirade was anything but. Perhaps it's the jarring difference I experience between what this person seems to represent and actually does; or perhaps it is that I wouldn't accept the behavior as respectful and appropriate from sub or Dom. Either way, I have thought and said what you wrote of this person.
I think it's a good idea for all of us to be respectful to one another. Expressing one's opinions in a polite and respectful manner is important in any setting. When anyone -sub or Dom- is abrasive in their manner of expression, one wonders what is really going on. Although I've seldom been able to recognize and interpret this sort of thing in the moment, abrasive communication generally tells more about the speaker than their topic. Are they not able to communicate in a productive, positive manner? What is it about them that has them worked-up like this?
:) My $0.02.
no subject
Date: 2005-07-23 06:21 pm (UTC)This "Dom" has made himself the most talked about person in the New Orleans community recently. He's not well respected and, to be honest, I think that they aren't telling him as much as I'd like to because he's older. What that has to do with anything, I don't know. I'll gladly tell him when goated properly.