The Countdown to a Lack of Self
Nov. 7th, 2005 02:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
autumnluv143I am going to a Staffing Agent tomorrow morning and while I'm out, I'm going to fill out that application at Walmart.
I hit a low this morning. I wasn't awake 30 minutes and I was crying over something completely stupid. I can't get into my Gmail account from this computer. Yes, it's my work email...where I have all the resume stuff saved...all that, but crying over it? Ugh..that's just ridiculous and I'm unimpressed with myself.
I've taken to cutting coupons for relaxation. Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy, just increasingly frustrated. All of these companies put out ads for jobs and then either don't call you back when you send them a resume or tel you that they aren't going to be even close to making a decision about the job (this includes when to interview) for weeks yet. Then why post the job again? Maybe I'm blonde today, but I don't fucking get it. I was sure I didn't have stupid tattooed across my forehead until today, but now I'm not sure. Maybe you can only see it under blacklight.
On the personal note, the guy..the romper guy and I went to the Harbour Sat. night, saw a Demo, hung out...all that fun stuff. Talked on the way back. He's about in the same place I am with it. It would be interesting to see where it would go, but he has no expectations and he's not "looking" for anything, just wouldn't turn it down if it showed up. We have great talks and alot of fun in bed. He's got an interest in the lifestyle, but it's more psychological than anything else right now. I remember how that was.
My birthday is in 2 days I'm not already feeling the issues from it. Only 3 more years until I'm 30 and I'd better have something to show for it by then. I get more depressed every year that goes by. I can feel it today and I'm determined to ignore it. I am going out to eat with the people I've made friends with at the Harbour. Told them to invite whoever they wanted. I just don't want to be alone. I hate the thought of being this far away from all my friends and family and having to spend my birthday on my own. That is excruciating. Bah..I can't even think about it...I get tears when I think about it.
Guess I need to go start errands for today. I promised Shi's kids that I'd go to the storage unit and get the remote for the TV so they can play Nintendo or the DVD player.
I might go grocery shopping to. I'm not sure why it does, but that calms me.
*sighs*
I hit a low this morning. I wasn't awake 30 minutes and I was crying over something completely stupid. I can't get into my Gmail account from this computer. Yes, it's my work email...where I have all the resume stuff saved...all that, but crying over it? Ugh..that's just ridiculous and I'm unimpressed with myself.
I've taken to cutting coupons for relaxation. Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy, just increasingly frustrated. All of these companies put out ads for jobs and then either don't call you back when you send them a resume or tel you that they aren't going to be even close to making a decision about the job (this includes when to interview) for weeks yet. Then why post the job again? Maybe I'm blonde today, but I don't fucking get it. I was sure I didn't have stupid tattooed across my forehead until today, but now I'm not sure. Maybe you can only see it under blacklight.
On the personal note, the guy..the romper guy and I went to the Harbour Sat. night, saw a Demo, hung out...all that fun stuff. Talked on the way back. He's about in the same place I am with it. It would be interesting to see where it would go, but he has no expectations and he's not "looking" for anything, just wouldn't turn it down if it showed up. We have great talks and alot of fun in bed. He's got an interest in the lifestyle, but it's more psychological than anything else right now. I remember how that was.
My birthday is in 2 days I'm not already feeling the issues from it. Only 3 more years until I'm 30 and I'd better have something to show for it by then. I get more depressed every year that goes by. I can feel it today and I'm determined to ignore it. I am going out to eat with the people I've made friends with at the Harbour. Told them to invite whoever they wanted. I just don't want to be alone. I hate the thought of being this far away from all my friends and family and having to spend my birthday on my own. That is excruciating. Bah..I can't even think about it...I get tears when I think about it.
Guess I need to go start errands for today. I promised Shi's kids that I'd go to the storage unit and get the remote for the TV so they can play Nintendo or the DVD player.
I might go grocery shopping to. I'm not sure why it does, but that calms me.
*sighs*
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Date: 2005-11-07 02:57 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-11-08 01:32 pm (UTC)