It's over.

[autumnluv143]

Thank goodness. This one wasn't nearly as bad now that I can officially look back on it. That has something to do with my best friend. I surrounded myself with other people tonight at Olive Garden for dinner so that I would not be able to focus on the icky day that the date provided.

I'm really not sure what it is about my birthdays that make them seem so horrifying to me. I think part of it is me not being an attention seeker, except in certain ways. I want attention when I'm talking because, more often than not, I'm trying to make others laugh. I don't want to ask for anything else in my life. I don't want to ask to play, hang out, borrow items, borrow money and I really don't like being the center of sentimental attention. I suppose maybe that's because I never have been. It weirds me out and makes me emotional (something I try very hard to hide from other people unless they are beating me, at which point, that is the point of the entire situation to begin with).

Last year, I cried when my mom and dad remembered the morning of my birthday and said the words. I was impressed and happy they remembered, but fuck me if I couldn't stop crying all day. Then my poor boss felt so bad for me because I literally could barely compose myself, she made me a birthday card while we were doing paperwork and gave it to me. That made me cry more. Yeah, yeah..I have issues. I don't know what that one is, but hopefully I'll figure it out one day.

I did good today though, I only got kind of emotional three times...a little mist in the eyes and alot of that was because my sister didn't even want to talk to me, much less wish me a happy day...and I know she knew I was on the phone. So, instead, I talked to my brother and sister-in-law because they want me to be happy and I love them for that. Great, now it shows up. That's ok though, these tears don't count because it's officially the day after my birthday.

Ugh...I'm going to attempt to go to sleep now because...well...because as nice as today was and as fantastic as everyone was to me today (thank you, my bitch) I'm officially in a funk and I need to go try and get it out of my head.

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Hope today is better.
{{{hug}}}