Brain mush at 6am

[autumnluv143]

I don't know that I even know what to write here anymore. My mood about my life changes like the weather here does. It was 72F here yesterday and it is probably going to snow on Wed or Thursday.

I still miss my family alot and I still miss my friends majorly. I miss getting my ass beat on a decently regular basis. That's probably aiding in my not being able to focus. Since I can't get that and I'm not willing to settle on letting just anyone beat me, I'm going to start seeing a counselor when my insurance kicks in. I need something. Walk around twitching and with my nerves making my body tense up just isn't working for me. I know that most of it is psychological. I just need to get that part away from me. One of my coworkers has started to really laugh at me because everytime I sit down and stop moving,my hands start shaking. Oh, and to top that all off...my psoriasis (sp?) came back. I started noticing it on the tops of my arms. Attractive, no? Well, at least I'm not getting naked in front of anyone. The last time I had this skin crap on anyplace but my head was when I first got involved with the scene. The first time I got naked at the loft at RSVP I had to explain to the person I was playing with first that it wasn't a rash. LOL...good times. See what not playing for 6 months will do to a person? I'm breaking out with a stress skin reaction. I need emotional release in the worst way. Whatever this is also has my head blocked for writing. There is plenty that I feel I need to write down and I know what section of my book I want to attack next, but I can't get the words out.

No, I'm not a hypochondriac. I just spend my days at work and then on my couch. I don't hang out anywhere because I don't have any friends up here yet. I AM going to start the process for going back to school. That may help. Then it'll be work/school/couch. One more thing to keep me off my couch. I don't even have anyone to really talk to. I was so sure of myself moving up here that I don't want to call people at home and tell them how miserable I am. I'm not miserable all the time and I don't regret moving. I just despise being lonely. I'm done with that now. Problem with that is, I'm not sure how to go about making friends up here. I had social circles up there to make friends in and I don't have that here. I could go back to when I was 18 and start hanging out in bars again, but I don't want to do that because that's how I lost my virginity and I don't want to know what I'd lose this time. I learned my lesson about going into bars by myself.

Ok, I needed to ramble before getting ready for work. Time to do that now.

Comments

[sttatus-quo.livejournal.com]

You know... sable_twilight on my flist lives up where you do. Maybe I should introduce you two.

[domestickitty.livejournal.com]

I know exactly how you feel. In New Orleans/Baton Rouge I had established social circles, friends, etc. After Amanda left and when I moved into my new apartment I hit a rock bottom of sorts and realized that I needed to keep myself as involved as possible in life up here. It has been a struggle really. If you are feeling lonely and want to talk you are free to call my cell 225-276-3852. If you like I would be up to going to one of those bars you talk about...There's a leather bar called the Triangle that sounds neat. Good luck! -Colin

[dianagddss.livejournal.com]

Therapy good. School good.

Love you.

::hugs::

Your pain is felt

[his-sweet.livejournal.com]

I can not tell you how many times i've wanted to call you. How many times I wanted to say I miss you, I love you,and I want you were I am. But that seemed selfish. It was what i wanted and I want this life choice that you have made to succeed. It will get better. When people see the person you are. When they get a glimpse of that person we know. They will love you as we do. Always call me when you need me, no matter what time of day or night. I love you and will try to call more. You are in my heart, your voice echoes in my head, you have me.


Love,

persi