autumnluv143

Yesterday I left for work with my cat just a talking away at me. Now, anyone who has heard me talk about my cat knows that this is nothing new. She talks to me every waking moment when I'm around her. She follows me everywhere and needs all of my attention all the time. She's one of my favorite stories.

I worked all day and then came over to Shi's house to check on her kitties and use the internet. I was pretty tired after a very long week and staying up too late so I ended up crashing here and stick around most of today. I did leave around 2:30pm to go see a movie with Matt. I saw The Devil Wears Prada. It was cute.

So finally I made my way home. I stopped on the way and got a chicken bowl from the japanese place by my house...yum. I went upstairs to my apartment and thought it strange that my cat didn't greet me right away when she heard the key in the door. Even thought I heard a light meow. So I sat down and started to eat, turned on the TV and was getting ready to pop in a movie when I realized that she still hadn't been out to see me. I called out for her and got nothing and then I saw it. On my living room floor, she was laying there and I walked up kind of close to her to see if she was ok, said "Baby...whatcha....." and then stopped. I realized that she was dead.

I don't know how long she'd been dead. She was cold and rig (I'm not even going to try and spell it) had set in. It took me two hours and lots of pep talks over the phone from my mom and Shiloh to work up the nerve and stop crying long enough to get her in a bag and into a box. I called a 24-hour vet to find out what people do in a situation like this. She said that they would cremate her for me for $50 and I could have the ashes back for another $40. I just flat out don't have that kind of money. I may end up having my car taken away this week if I dont' come up with some. Shit...if I don't come up with money this week I may not have a place to live. Anyway, I told her that I didn't have that kind of money and she put me on hold. She came back on and said that if I bring her in, they will cremate her and label it as a stray.

Now, I understand that it's a good solution for not having any money, but I just couldn't bring myself to consider the idea. That cat is my family. She's the only thing I have up here besides Shi and her family. It just felt wrong. So when I talked to Shi, she told me to wrap the cat up in the bag, put her in a box and bring her to her house. I put her in the garage and they are going to bury her when they get back from AZ on Tuesday. I just have to keep her chilled until then.

I'm so devastated right now. I am feeling guilt for not being there....although to be honest it looks like it may have been a heart attack and there really isn't anything I could have done. I'm feeling guilt that I've fussed at her a bit recently and haven't been home in the last two weeks to pay as much attention to her as I used to. More than that I'm going to miss her. I've had that cat for nearly 6 years. I rescued her outside of a Walmart in 30 degree weather. She was just a kitten and didn't like people then and didn't like people last week....except for me.

I was hoping that writing this would help and maybe it will...but not yet. I am going to go veg in front of the TV and try not to think at all. My head and my eyes hurt from crying.