Like vs Love
May. 23rd, 2007 04:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
autumnluv143No, I don't trust him. It doesn't really have anything to do with his character. It has everything to do with me. I don't trust me. I don't trust myself to recover after being hurt. It's not about the hurt. Someone will always be able to hurt me and eventually I have to trust that someone will use that power for good instead of evil when I give it to them. I will be better with this and trust him more when I see him. When I know, by looking in his eyes, that what he says is really what he feels. That will happen eventually (soon actually, I need to deal).
This is a guy that I've known through various chat resources for close to 6 or 7 years. He lived in MS for awhile and I just never did get the opportunity to meet him. With this one, we can not see/talk to each other for months and pick up right where we left off. It's a little strange. I like it. Anyway, I was online the other night and he messaged me. He wanted to know if I played Second Life. This is a game I'd heard of and no, hadn't tried out. I looked at it once and my dislike for online fantasy games came into play so I did my smile and nod "Yeah, I think that's great, but there's no way in hell you're going to get me to play this thing" gesture. This time was different. I'd entertained (albeit briefly) thoughts about this guy over the years and flirted with him alot. The problem was that one of us was always involved. Well...now we're not. He's in VA atm but is planning to come down here to visit at the end of July. That's cool. We've said that if things don't work out the way we are thinking they are going to, that we could still stay friends.
Last night, I had to try to explain to him that I am unable to commit to feelings towards him until we meet. He could say anything in the world and firmly believe that he means it, spend 5 minutes with me and change his mind. It's certainly happened before. If, when we meet, all is as good as we hope it to be....I can see me devoting myself to this man . On the one hand, I have no idea what that means. It's been entirely too long since I've done anything even remotely close to that and it scares the shit out of me. But I'm not running away. I can't afford to anymore. I think I may have gotten to a point of saying, I'm too old to keep running from this bullshit. I need to sit down and face a relationship like an adult. Otherwise I'm going to convince myself that it's too late and there's no point.
A few points on him: He's a Cancer. Yeah. Happiness. I'm a Scorpio. This is good.
He's Native American: I have such a thing. I really do. It's shameful.
He's tall. Ok, do I even need to point out why that's a good thing? Seriously? Hullo! Amazon walking!
He's my age: I don't really care about this either way, but I know some people that would be very relieved to know I'm thinking of dating someone my own age.
He's got Dominant traits and is exploring the lifestyle. This is good. He's a good man, and he's kinky. He agrees with some of my ideas about D/s and that's a great building block.
I don't doubt that he is (or is capable of being) a good Dom. You know....EYE YAM DOM-IN-AUNT! WORSHIP ME! None of that crap. He knows what he wants and he's out to get it. If I am that goal...I'm ok with that. The pursuit is totally half the fun.
Anyway....That's what's going on with me today.
This is a guy that I've known through various chat resources for close to 6 or 7 years. He lived in MS for awhile and I just never did get the opportunity to meet him. With this one, we can not see/talk to each other for months and pick up right where we left off. It's a little strange. I like it. Anyway, I was online the other night and he messaged me. He wanted to know if I played Second Life. This is a game I'd heard of and no, hadn't tried out. I looked at it once and my dislike for online fantasy games came into play so I did my smile and nod "Yeah, I think that's great, but there's no way in hell you're going to get me to play this thing" gesture. This time was different. I'd entertained (albeit briefly) thoughts about this guy over the years and flirted with him alot. The problem was that one of us was always involved. Well...now we're not. He's in VA atm but is planning to come down here to visit at the end of July. That's cool. We've said that if things don't work out the way we are thinking they are going to, that we could still stay friends.
Last night, I had to try to explain to him that I am unable to commit to feelings towards him until we meet. He could say anything in the world and firmly believe that he means it, spend 5 minutes with me and change his mind. It's certainly happened before. If, when we meet, all is as good as we hope it to be....I can see me devoting myself to this man . On the one hand, I have no idea what that means. It's been entirely too long since I've done anything even remotely close to that and it scares the shit out of me. But I'm not running away. I can't afford to anymore. I think I may have gotten to a point of saying, I'm too old to keep running from this bullshit. I need to sit down and face a relationship like an adult. Otherwise I'm going to convince myself that it's too late and there's no point.
A few points on him: He's a Cancer. Yeah. Happiness. I'm a Scorpio. This is good.
He's Native American: I have such a thing. I really do. It's shameful.
He's tall. Ok, do I even need to point out why that's a good thing? Seriously? Hullo! Amazon walking!
He's my age: I don't really care about this either way, but I know some people that would be very relieved to know I'm thinking of dating someone my own age.
He's got Dominant traits and is exploring the lifestyle. This is good. He's a good man, and he's kinky. He agrees with some of my ideas about D/s and that's a great building block.
I don't doubt that he is (or is capable of being) a good Dom. You know....EYE YAM DOM-IN-AUNT! WORSHIP ME! None of that crap. He knows what he wants and he's out to get it. If I am that goal...I'm ok with that. The pursuit is totally half the fun.
Anyway....That's what's going on with me today.
