Birthday Wishes and Caviar Dreams

[autumnluv143]

Yesterday I was supposed to be happy. I woke up, as I do every year, expecting the worst and that depressed me deeply. Thanks in part to some well wishing from some friends at the club and the girls at work, I started to feel a little better. I just wish I could identify what my problem is on my birthdays. I want the recognition and then feel embarassed by it when I receive it. I suppose because everyday that I'm around, I feel like I'm celebrating everyone...and never myself. For there to be a whole day where my life might be celebrated by others...I don't know. It feels wrong...or shameful. Maybe that's because my birthday has never been made a big deal of. The few people I want to hear from on my birthday I don't. That's ok. I can't really blame them. It's not like I give advance warning about when it is..just as a reminder or anything. Well I woke up this morning feeling totally exhausted and a little hungover (too many white russians while working on this stupid computer)...but much better than I was yesterday. Thank you to those who wished me a happy birthday and that one Sir who wrote that email....

I'm off to work my 2nd job today. I can't remember what I was thinking when I went to get the second job...except that I'm broke and need the money. I'm working roughly 70 hours a week...and the money had better be worth it. I don't know because I haven't seen any of it yet. Hopefully I'll get my computer back soon and I can at least spend a little bit of time chatting with my friends. That would be great. I have an hour to be at work..I guess I'd better run away.

Hoping today and tomorrow are increasingly better than yesterday.

Comments

Happy (belated) Natal Day, darling!

[kikisub.livejournal.com]

You are SO loved, sweetheart. I think the embarrassment thing is because we are taught from the cradle that being self-centered is a bad thing -- but we all want to know that others care for us and celebrate our presence in their lives. Birthdays should be for that.

I am sorry to hear you are working so much...does this mean I will miss your smiling face and lovely kisses and hugs at the parties? *pout* But really, you are one of the people for whom I always look when I walk through the door (and those people whose presence I count on number only about 10.) I wish you lived closer to BR because I would love spending more time with you!

I'm sorry I am just getting to acknowledging your birthday today -- please know I value your crackling cynical wit, your delightful laughter, and the energy and passion you put into life. You Rock!

Love you always!

[evillord.livejournal.com]

Happy Belated Birthday! :-)