The Stuff Nightmares Are Made Of (AKA Why I went home and drank Wednesday)

[autumnluv143]

I left work early Wednesday. I needed to try and get to Delgado's Health Services Dept by 430 so I could get a copy of my immunization records. Of course though, by the time I had gotten there (4:10 or so) they were closed (what's the point of setting hours?). I had already left work and there was truly no point in driving all the way back so I decided to visit the cemetery I've been wanting to see. During my genealogy research, I was told that there were some relatives there and I wanted to see if I could get anywhere else with my search by seeing the graves. 

Well, I was drifting through the rows of tombs and graves looking for any name that sounded familiar and trying to remember the time. The gates were supposed to close at 430 so I really only had a few moments to look around. When I looked at the time again, I realized it was nearly 10 after closing so I walked quickly to my car and made my way to the front of the cemetery (I had already seen that the back entrance was closed). By the time I was getting up to it, I realized that it too was shut. "Surely," I thought, "Someone has realized I'm in here and just left them shut, but not locked." I got out and quickly realized I was wrong. Lock on this gate, lock on the back gate. Great. 

So I got out my phone and called my mom to get me all the numbers she could find for Greenwood/Cypress Grove Cemetery and the non-emergency number for the NOPD. Of course, she freaked out and wanted to know if I needed her to come sit with me. I laughed and told her that no, I was fine and would be fine. There really wasn't a reason to panic. I'm really quite calmed in cemeteries. I love them. 

I was unable to get in touch with anyone from the cemetery and so I called the NOPD to see if they would be able to help at all. I reached the dispatcher and said
 "Hi, I'm locked in a cemetery and have been unable to get in touch with anyone connected with it to let me out." 
Her reply: "You're locked in a cemetery? Are you serious?" 
Me: Yes, I lost track of time while visiting and by the time I'd gotten back to my car, both gates were locked. They must not have looked around to see if it was empty" 
Her: "Oh lord. Let me find someone to come and help you, Ma'am." 

So she took down all my information and where the cemetery was located and said she would call me back. When she did, she said the cop was outside the front gates and couldn't find me. I told her he must be in front of the wrong cemetery because I was staring at the front gate and he wasn't there. It's not like there was a lack of front gates as I was at the four corners of City Park Ave and Canal St/Blvd. There are like 6 cemeteries in that area. Finally the cop saw me, pulled up and got out of the car. 
Him: "Looks like you're stuck" 
Me: "Ya think? I don't suppose you have the combination?" 
Him: "No, you're either going to have to scale the fence or sleep here" 
Me (thinking he was kidding): "Haha, yeah right." <looks at him expectantly> 
Him: "Well it does say right here <pokes sign on fence hard with finger> Cemetery.Closes.4.pm.Gates. close.4.30.pm. Not sure how you missed that part." 
Me (Realizing that not only is he not kidding, but he's an asshole too): "Well I lost track of time"
Him: Well you'll just have to park your car over there or something. <Inspecting fence" You could probably get over this one.

Now, the fences we are talking about: one of them is between 4 1/2 and 5ft tall and wrought iron with spikes on top of them. The other ones around the perimeter are 6ft + with three rows of barbed wire on top.

Me: Ok. I'm fat AND I'm wearing a skirt, I'm not scaling anything.
Him: Then I guess you're going to have to spend the night. I can't just break down the cemetery fence.
Me: And then what am I supposed to do? 
Him: Leave your car here, I'll make sure you get to where your people can come and get you. 
Me: My people are on the Northshore.
Him: Your people are going to have to come and get you.
Me <looking at him as if finding it hard to believe he was human>: If this is all the help you're going to be and if this is my only option, there's a better gate I can try to get out of. 
Him: <shrugs>

So I got in my car and backed away and he did the same. I assumed (silly me) that he would come around to the back of the cemetery and try to help me out. He didn't. He left. So now, I'm locked in a New Orleans cemetery (two days before Fri. 13th) with a bottle of water, a dying cell phone and (after inspecting it) no ability to squeeze through the opening in the fence. Finally I got a little resourceful and found a van on the road in the back of the cemetery for a countertop company (I think called Tip Top). I called the number on the van and a guy answered. 

Me: Is this Tip Top?
Him: Yes it is.
Me: Ok, this is going to sound bizarre. You have a van parked on a back street off Canal by the Greenwood and Cypress Grove Cemetery field office.
Him: Yes, I do.
Me: I don't suppose you know anyone from that office.
Him: Yeah, I know all the guys over there.
Right at that moment, he comes walking out the front door of the office the van is parked in front of.
Him: Is that you in the cemetery?
Me: Yep. And I'm locked in. You wouldn't happen to have a way to get out or a combination, would you?
Him: No, I wouldn't. There might be someone in there. Hold on. 
So he walks over to the other side of the building and begins to bang on the door, looking in the window. Thank God there was someone in there who was able to let me out. 

I was so pissed off about the cop that on the way home I called to make a formal complaint. I told the Lt. I was speaking to that it essentially broke down to the fact that the cop was unnecessarily being an asshole and there was no need for that. I hadn't done anything wrong and I did not expect to be treated like that by someone I had thought could/would help me. I also told the Lt. that I nearly punched the guy in the face because he'd pissed me off so that he'd have to get the gate open so that he could arrest me. We both agreed that wouldn't have been the best course of action. Supposedly, his supervisor is going to step in and counsel him on the report. Whether or not it actually happens, I don't know. I would like to think so because the Lt. remarked on how they would like more citizens to call in and complain when something like this happens because "These guys need some sensitivity training." I said "Ya think?"

Anyway...another day in the Adventures of Autumn <eyeroll>

Comments

[cogenthoughts.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's crazy. That cop is an ass. He couldn't have called the gatekeeper to come let you out? Oh, wait, that would have actually been something helpful.

[autumnluv.livejournal.com]

Amen. I wasn't a fan of NOPD before but that pretty much sealed the deal. I actually called the dispatcher back first. She's the one who gave me the number for the Lt. I told her "Yeah, just in case the asshole decides to have a conscience and come back to check on me, tell him *I* got myself AND my car out, no thanks to him."

*blink*

[wynterkat.livejournal.com]

You were so having a me moment.
The only thing it lacked was a group of people watching you while your skirt was around your ankles and me on the phone.

I'm torn between total laughter and complete freakout over you being locked in a cemetery and being told by a cop you'd have to sleep there.

As it's 4:14 am (I woke up realizing I'd forgotten to read yer journal earlier) I think I'll shelve this one 'til I'm awake and able to comprehend it better. lol

That or just try and not get the oogies. *insert oogie boogie noises here*
Nice one. Whackjob.

[sttatus-quo.livejournal.com]

You're living parts of my life. I got locked in a university building because I was in the bathroom being sick. The janitor let me out about two hours later. I couldn't get to a phone. At least I had bathrooms and cold water.