Years past...
Aug. 15th, 2007 09:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
autumnluv143Last year, I was in therapy and feeling sick. I was also thinking long term about my move home (which ended up being very different in my mind than it's turned out in real life).
The year before that, I was breaking of a very intense M/s relationship with a man I'd never met...but knew very well. I still miss him. I miss being a good girl. I miss being submissive. I miss the anticipation, the waiting, the calm and the willingness to obey. A friend once saw me around him and said "It's like attack of the pod people" because I was so totally different as a submissive than in my normal sassy, asshole mode. He could stop me from saying things I would regret with two words. I rarely tell people what those two words are, but they worked on me from my parents, they worked on me with him and they work on children when I use them.
With him I felt like a girl. I was his whore. I was his girl. His slut. His ainslie. He had renamed me. My chat name, more often than not, is karah. He renamed me and even took to calling me that when we spoke, rather than Autumn. I remember the conversation I had with a certain person about the name change. She managed to make it even more a thrilling thing for me.
I'm lucky though. We are still friends and I still care for him very much and get to talk to him on occasion. I'm glad of that. I would miss him terribly if I never saw him.
Wow...I'm a posting freak today. I'm going to go work now since I didn't make it into the office yesterday. Lots to catch up on and that might keep me busy for like an hour and a half! Yay for me!
The year before that, I was breaking of a very intense M/s relationship with a man I'd never met...but knew very well. I still miss him. I miss being a good girl. I miss being submissive. I miss the anticipation, the waiting, the calm and the willingness to obey. A friend once saw me around him and said "It's like attack of the pod people" because I was so totally different as a submissive than in my normal sassy, asshole mode. He could stop me from saying things I would regret with two words. I rarely tell people what those two words are, but they worked on me from my parents, they worked on me with him and they work on children when I use them.
With him I felt like a girl. I was his whore. I was his girl. His slut. His ainslie. He had renamed me. My chat name, more often than not, is karah. He renamed me and even took to calling me that when we spoke, rather than Autumn. I remember the conversation I had with a certain person about the name change. She managed to make it even more a thrilling thing for me.
I'm lucky though. We are still friends and I still care for him very much and get to talk to him on occasion. I'm glad of that. I would miss him terribly if I never saw him.
Wow...I'm a posting freak today. I'm going to go work now since I didn't make it into the office yesterday. Lots to catch up on and that might keep me busy for like an hour and a half! Yay for me!
