Choose Your Implement of Doom!!

[autumnluv143]

So last night, I was sitting on the computer talking to someone that's becoming pretty important to me. He is in the process of helping me try to focus on school and my priorities. He spoke about not focusing himself until he's pushing someone else to focus and mentioned how he wished he were nearer to me to be able to properly oversee things. I told him to push me because I need it.

He wants me, after a few major projects for school, to sit down and come up with some punishments that he can implement from a distance. So that brings up a question. How do I choose punishments for myself? Am I strong enough to choose things I know will truly be a punishment? Better yet, am I willing to follow them when I have been disappointing? Without really knowing me well, how will he know that to use this punishment on me is really a secret guilty pleasure for me? And will the punishments themselves still be punishments if they are done with an act of submission that brings pleasure to me?

Can I be trusted to do what is right? Can I bring myself to do them rather than just say "yes, of course I did that. I've really learned my lesson." How does he know that I'm worthy spending the time on to punish so that I can learn from the experience? He's only known me a month.

Oh, it's not like these are really major problems for me. I know, as does anyone that knows me even a little bit, or anyone that's seen the submissive in me in its most minute form, I will do the right thing. Or, at least I hope I do. If the first set of punishments I recommend don't work out, they can always be modified to be...er...motivational.

My first "Master" (for those that actually remember that far back) told me that I was to keep a journal and that I was to keep it in the third person (wasn't I cute as a naive newbie who just accepted things because that's what a submissive is *supposed* to do?). During our second weekend together, I showed him my journal with whole sections missing and some written in first person. He asked me (this would be one of the better moments in that...er...liason) if I thought he should give me a warning and let it slide or go ahed and punish me. I said "Sir, you gave me a task and I failed to do it. If you let me pass with it now, I'll think I can do it all the time." I still believe that.

For now the major question remains. What should I choose for my own punishments from afar?

Comments

[deb2some.livejournal.com]

I was long distance for 5 years. My first reaction is, don't go there if you are not serious and honest - move on. Long distance can only work if you are both honest. Can you be honest with yourself and then this other person? If not move on. Guess I am not cutting any slack huh. I believe in l.d. and online, it can be done.

Punishments! I can give you examples and samples. But my goal was always 'don't get punished'!

Want to hear some of them that did get used?

[autumnluv.livejournal.com]

My goal, most definitely, is not to get punished. The worst punishment for me, truly, is the mere act of disappointing. It weighs my heart down and the feeling is enough to cause me to "learn my lesson."

The trusting/honesty thing in the post were just things I was thinking about. I could never, truly, lie about what I did and didn't do. And I could never just not do something I was told to do. It's not in me.

I would LOVE to hear some.

Self-punishments always worry me...

[sttatus-quo.livejournal.com]

If I can't think of a punishment that fits the crime, so to speak, what's my role in the relationship?

Of course, then, my tendency is *not* to punish. I hate punishment because I think it represents a communication failure on everyone's part. It's very simple. If you want to stay in the relationship do what I ask. If you don't, then don't.

Punishments I'd design for you? Hummmmmmmmm....
1) do a public post in your journal about what you did and why you did it.
2) wring out the crotch of your underwear in cold water then squelch around in damp panties all day on a day of my choosing.

I'd put you in circumstances of some personal discomfort but knowing you.. I'd tailor it so that you had to let someone else know you're not perfect. That's got real power for you, unless I'm wrong about you.

Punishments are as individual as a fingerprint.

Re: Self-punishments always worry me...

[autumnluv.livejournal.com]

It's less a matter of self-punishment than it is one of "you're the one that is telling me to push you. If you don't respond to my pushing, what do you think should be done with that?" It's like picking your own switch from the tree to be whipped with. If you pick the one you think will hurt the less, it wasn't worth it because it was used harder or more often. If you pick the one you probably deserve, the results in the end are more satisfying. You don't get as much (in this case, disappointment) and the lesson is learned.

I do appreciate punishment on some level. I would much rather never being punished because then I haven't let anyone down. On the other hand, I don't always control myself well (part of the reason I feel a need to be controlled I guess) and I like the idea that if someone has taken that control I've given them and is willing to back it up when I buck against it, I'm less likely to buck. Unfortunately, in my past experiences, they back down too quickly and then I'm on top again. Defeats the purpose.

Them:Did you do what I told you to do? Me: No, because (enter blah blah excuse here). Him: Well next time....

That's where the structure breaks down. I have lost that secure feeling that once I've given that control over, it's being attended to. I hope that makes sense... At that point, I can do or say anything and as long as I can come up with a "valid" reason for it, I'm always in control. Perhaps it would be better if it went like this:

Him: Did you do what I told you to do? Me: No because (excuse) Him: I understand why you couldn't, but you need to _____ because it wasn't done.

I suppose some think of that as bratty. I don't agree. I need to *trust* that I will always be in that control. I need to understand that if I disappoint, disobey, or buck there will be consequences. Once that is set, I then strive for praising and loving when I've failed to disappoint and can provide the service I was intended to give. I really hope that makes sense...

beaten_grace said it best tonight. One of your best pleasures can turn very quickly into a punishment if the context changes. Part of the reason I may have trouble listing punishments for myself is that it doesn't matter what the action actually is, if I have done something wrong and it's been noticed, commented upon and a need is felt that consequences should be carried out, I'm devastated. The punishment is there even if it's something I would enjoy very much in different circumstances.

[deb2some.livejournal.com]

I 'failed' to respond timely! You have some really great input. I always love reading Ms L's responses.

Let me tell you a couple things that happened in my past. One was I learned never to divulge, unless specifically asked, what I do not care to eat. Allergies excluded! Example fresh tomatoes make me gag, bi-products are okay. So when one discovered that - while I was dieting (a very long time ago)and exercising and went for a coffee afterwards - but failed to tell him it was Cafe` Royale with the whipped cream, chocolate, syrups, etc., I was required to cut a tomato in wedges and take a nice bite of one and forward a picture as I took that bite. My daughter still remembers me taking the bite! It was not that I did it, it was that I found a loophole in telling him how well I had done with the calories that day. (btw the exercise and diet were my idea not his - he was just being supportive)

Then there was a time when I got very testy in a chat room that we bother were in. I got very opinionated and ticked off. After he said that was enough, I had one more thing to say before I shut up. I then had to write 500 times on paper in my handwriting, a sentence that he gave me and mail it to him.

Oh yes the good ol' days! Long distance punishments to fit my crimes. And of course the little note book that he kept in his pocket at all times!!