How do you come across?

[autumnluv143]

A few months ago, I had a conversation with someone at a munch that apparently didn't end well. At the time, I had no idea how I came across with what I was saying. I was rude and offensive to a sensitive issue and wasn't really aware of it until early last month. Someone finally let me know what went on with that particular situation and I got a taste of how abrasive I can be when I'm not thinking about it.

There are times when I will try and offend someone. There are some people that just *need* to be offended sometimes so that they can take it down a notch. But in this case, it certainly was not my intention to say anything hurtful. Now, considering I found out about it months later, how do I apologize? It's not like the person and I were very close. And we certainly aren't now. I had noticed a change in the atmosphere around this person in recent months but I just didn't connect it to some offhand comment I made, mostly in jest. It was about an admitted prejudice of mine regarding me, my body and my head, but that takes into account other people (could I GET more vague??).

So here are my questions:
How do you apologize to someone you really just don't know well about something that you said that A) was less about them than it was bout you and B) you didn't find out about until way later?

Is there a way to be my funny, abrasive self without truly offending someone? Or should I turn PC and speak in broad, general terms so that I am running less of a risk of hurting anyone within hearing distance?
***I'm not talking about someone being offended by my language or anything like that. I'm talking about me saying something to a person about something they are having issues with (especially when I don't know about it).

I've said for years that I come with a disclaimer. (Disclaimer: If you are offended by anything I say, you're fucked.) But this really did bother me. Shit, it must have if the information about it was given to me at the beginning of last month and I'm just writing about it now.

Even better question. How do you apologize to someone that would rather not let you know you bothered them because they're "tough" without it sounding a little demeaning. This person and I have similar qualities. If someone I didn't know well offended me and I pretended like it wasn't really a thing and they came back months later and apologized, do I let down my facade and say thank you? Or do I pretend like I don't know what they're talking about? Or do I get bothered again because why does this person think they are special enough to have bothered me to begin with?

This is why I've been sitting on it for over a month. But I don't want to just let it go. I would hope that I could apologize and make ammends with anyone whom I've offended without cause or purpose.

Comments

[inconstantchaos.livejournal.com]

Its bothering you?

Would directly approaching them, and apologising be hurtful to them further? Whether they actually respond positively or not to a heart felt apology isn't up to you. But if its about concious clearing, direct is the way to go.

[crazierdiamond.livejournal.com]

Never turn PC on general topics. That is just boring, and you wouldn't be you. On personally directed statements of a sensitive nature, though, perhaps you can take into account your settings and the built-in prejudices associated within such a setting.

If I'm in weight watchers group, for instance, and one of the women or men had reached their target weight, so decided making comments about fat people and how they loathe them was funny and their new-found truth, I'm probably going to reach over and shove a twinkie down their throat. In general I don't care what people say about weight or fat people. In that setting I may have heightened sensitivity to the issue (I'm so unpredictable when twinkies are involved).

As for apologies or not. You hit upon a possible door in. You've noticed a cooling towards you. Maybe you could ask. Ask if it was something you did or said and add that if so, you'd like to know if it is possible to undo somehow.

One never knows...

Robin

PS

[crazierdiamond.livejournal.com]

I am recently finding out a lot of people thought I hated them. People I didn't even really know. And I'm not talking a mere one or two people, either.

Go figure.

So I suppose I have my own PR program to work on.

[deb2some.livejournal.com]

If it were me involved...i would want the give the apology because it would eat me up. If it were me on the receiving end; I would be glad to hear you tell me you were sorry and possibly talk about things. What would there be to lose? Nothing I think and maybe more to gain by talking about it.