Spring Cleaning in my head
Mar. 15th, 2005 10:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
autumnluv143I was told last night that I should comment about this in my Journal so that I'll remember it last year. I sear that the woman is nuts...but anyhoo..here it is.
I have felt like a basket case this week and feel like I'm on the verge of something. I can't really explain what it is and I certainly can't convey the feelings in words. Shiloh says that I do this every spring. She even stated specific cases and told me things that I said during such fevered emotional stand-offs with her. I have absolutely no recollection of any said happenings. Hence the well needed post. I have been talking to someone that is way far away from me and I've gotten closer to giving myself to Him than I have to anyone else...ever. Yes it scares me, but I'm not running away from it. I refuse to. I know that if things don't work out between us, it's very possible that I will be close to devastated. I'm willing to deal with that. I have to give this a shot...but I never expected to need Him. I got off the phone with Him a moment ago and cried from sadness at having to go the rest of my day knowing i only got 13 minutes with Him and from relief that I did get to talk to Him today and that would give me something to concentrate on. The only reason I hadn't spoken about this before to anyone is because I don't need the criticism. I'm fully aware of what most people that I know in the lifestyle think of online relationships or meeting people online and I don't give a crap. I just don't need to hear it from them. Yes, he's far away. Yes, I know that there could be things about this man that could be untrue, unsafe, unnerving..whatever. There are all bridges that I'm willing to jump off when I get to them. I don't plan on making Him my life until W/we've met and I know for sure that it is going to work out. He's said the same thing. He even said it first. I'm not asking for retort on this point...I just need to vent. That's why I have this damned thing, right? There are two that read this that already knew about it and are happy for me if not downright excited...thank you. I love you both.
eh...I have to run away to school now....blech.
I have felt like a basket case this week and feel like I'm on the verge of something. I can't really explain what it is and I certainly can't convey the feelings in words. Shiloh says that I do this every spring. She even stated specific cases and told me things that I said during such fevered emotional stand-offs with her. I have absolutely no recollection of any said happenings. Hence the well needed post. I have been talking to someone that is way far away from me and I've gotten closer to giving myself to Him than I have to anyone else...ever. Yes it scares me, but I'm not running away from it. I refuse to. I know that if things don't work out between us, it's very possible that I will be close to devastated. I'm willing to deal with that. I have to give this a shot...but I never expected to need Him. I got off the phone with Him a moment ago and cried from sadness at having to go the rest of my day knowing i only got 13 minutes with Him and from relief that I did get to talk to Him today and that would give me something to concentrate on. The only reason I hadn't spoken about this before to anyone is because I don't need the criticism. I'm fully aware of what most people that I know in the lifestyle think of online relationships or meeting people online and I don't give a crap. I just don't need to hear it from them. Yes, he's far away. Yes, I know that there could be things about this man that could be untrue, unsafe, unnerving..whatever. There are all bridges that I'm willing to jump off when I get to them. I don't plan on making Him my life until W/we've met and I know for sure that it is going to work out. He's said the same thing. He even said it first. I'm not asking for retort on this point...I just need to vent. That's why I have this damned thing, right? There are two that read this that already knew about it and are happy for me if not downright excited...thank you. I love you both.
eh...I have to run away to school now....blech.
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Date: 2005-03-15 01:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-18 10:35 am (UTC)Miss you!
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Date: 2005-03-18 05:35 pm (UTC)